all there is?

ugh im so sry Jonathan ,roommate, as i punch this post out at 3 in the morning...so i havent done anything today besides sit on my ass and watch gossip girl episodes and random movies ive downloaded--side panel-- i stopped all my medications and im back to the problem of trouble of falling asleep without anti psychotics...so the guy im seeing was hanging out wit my friends this weekend w/o me...i dont no how to feel about this-im furious but i dont no how to express this, somewhat fake anger, this is so confusing but my existence is pretty much a lie. i dont know how to express emotions...so i told jd, my mother, that unless i get a car i think im going to drop out of college...it will be a long process tho-dropping out i mean-i need to find something to do with my life b4 i stop going to school....ramapo college is different from glen rock high school-i sometimes wish i was back at the rockbottom with the overachievers then surrounded by more down to earth people at ramapo---ugh listen to me god it gets worse every time i try to express myself--"is that all there is?"-peggy lee, shes got it

one of those mornings

you know the shittyness of waking up after a night of drinking and trying to remember all the stupid stuff you did/said the night before-ugh theres almost always regret....ah and the facebook messages-the surprises and hazy memories keep coming--oh god im hacking up a lung-ugh i jus got over this 72 hour stomach flu virus last week and this week im getting a sore throat and coughing up phlegm. wow i jus remembered my roommate was like held until he fell asleep by his best friend (i presume)she totally loves him its too cute; i was playing simon and garfunkal while drinking heavily-witnessing my adorable roommate be held-he's too cute, he's this hippie that had all this hair up until last friday when he cut it all off-i had a lil freak out when i walked through the door sunday night. he doesnt care about my gayness i <3 it and he's never in the room-which gives me plenty of alone time which i need to get me through the long repetitive days in college

meh

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